Yesterday morning I was trudging back in the sludge from the old retainer's place up at Brynsworthy and I was making my way over the Longbridge and from a distance I could see that large flows of ice were floating downriver some of these were quite considerable slabs and were acting as rafts and barges for all manner of detritus, mostly foliage of some sort or another but there seemed to be a awful lot of blue plastic cider bottles amoung it all. I happen to know for a fact that out in the Estuary there is a large floating blue plastic island of ice dragon white lightning cider bottles just ebbing and flowing with the tide. Anyways, as I was approaching the Town bank I could see a crowd of people looking over into the water pointing at one of the larger icebergs, others were joining them drawn by the commotion and by the time I trotted up to have a gawp there really was quite a crowd. Mobile phones were being drawn frantic calls were being made and shaky video was being shot. Not being one to shy from any sort of occurrence I jostled my way to the front of the crowd and peered over into the shitty brown, sludgy waters beneath and there lo and behold was the cause of such excitement, floating on a large slab of ice were four little kittens.
You could see how frightened the little mites were. Within a few few moments the piece of ice upon which they were precariously balanced was nudged forward under the arches of the bridge and out of sight. A great groan arose from the multitude now gathered as the kittens disappeared and people then surged across the road to the other side to see if the little buggers would come out the other side. After a few anxious minutes they reappeared and a great cheer went up however this was soon replaced by more frantic activity as they were drawn into a faster current and headed down river at quite a rate of knots. People pursued their plight from alongside the bank and a right hue and cry was raised. As one we realised that something had to be done before they passed Castle Quay, as then they would be out in a deep channel and be carried off out into the bay.
At Castle Quay a crowd formed on the shore and one by one some of the more stout and hardy souls waded into the icy torrent supporting each other around the waist and soon formed a human chain across the nearest and relatively shallow channel. Now the waiting game began. All hope for the kittens souls now rested upon the likelihood of them floating into this particular channel and not into the further faster and more treacherous one neighbouring it. Things started to look rather bleak as it became apparent that the mites were being drawn into the deeper stream. This realisation was greeted by a massed groan as people who had been holding their breath, exasperatedly began to exhale, infants could be heard whimpering. We were all on tenterhooks. At that moment divine intervention was made manifest as the clouds parted and Chivenor's finest hove into view. The search and rescue helicopter hovered above the river and with the down draft from it's blades expertly steered the icy raft into the correct channel and with a slight acceleration the kittens were borne upon this man made tide towards the shore and into the arms of their fearless rescuers. Oh such joy! The kittens were saved! I haven't witnessed anything of the like since Merlin from Britain's Got Talent escaped from a tank of water in the Queens Theatre panto last year, such was the drama.
With an arcing swoop above the river and out over Shaplands the helicopter bid farewell to the crowd below, the pilot waving acknowledging the thanks of the multitude. Bleddy hell if I'm not mistaken it turned out to be my old mate HRH Prince William, that's what I reckon though others around me weren't quite so sure. The crowd by now greatly cheered began to dispersed as the kittens were handed over to the lady from the animal ambulance.
Over a restorative and calming Martell and mince pie in the Rolle Quay I reflected upon what had occurred with the lads at the bar. We came to the conclusion that some so and so had obviously gone down to the river to drown the little blighters but the stupid sod had forgot it was icy so he'd thrown them off the bank in the cover off darkness and they'd had landed on the ice which had built up along the shore over the last week or so. With the thaw they ice had become dislodged and as it floated off downstream the kittens had wrestled themselves free and their perilous plight became apparent.
After another brandy I raised a hearty toast to the Air Sea Rescue crews down at Chivenor, the Animal Ambulance and the good people of Barum. Hoorah. Have a happy new year!
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Sunday, 19 December 2010
I'm dreaming of a white christmas
Lovely photo of Barum the winter wonderland |
just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten and children listen
to hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white christmas,
just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten and children listen
to hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white christmas,
with every christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white
I'm dreaming of a white christmas,
just like the ones I used to know
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white
I'm dreaming of a white christmas,
with every christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white
Well and truly snowed in down here at Ashford Strand. I can't get up the lane. I suppose if needs be I could get the canoe out and paddle up river to Lidl at Seven Bretheren Bank.
Lidl very convenient should you ever have | to row in | to do your groceries |
Mind you it would be a bit cold. Lucky I paid for me dongle the other day totherwise I wouldn't have the internet. So I am staying in most likely with a couple of boxes of Co-Op dark chocolate brandy liqueurs, singing along to carols after having watched Kara Tointon on BBC Iplayer again and once more for posterity. What a remarkable breath of fresh air she is for British light entertainment. I have a cracking fire going with me xmas driftwood yule logs which aren't really logs put planks that come from an old boat I broke up last week. It's been bobbing about on the foreshore for months now so I claimed wreckers rights on the bugger and cut him up. I should have contacted the Receiver of Wrecks or the Crown Estate. I know I put me hands up but all that red tape didn't seem worth it and of course I would then have the dubious honour of being the first person in my family to do so, plus it is now serving a higher purpose keeping me warm and drying out me xmas trousers and toe-tectors.
Thursday, 2 December 2010
The Green Dragon resuscitated....... to breathe fire once more!
The Reform lounge bar 1953 Kingsley Amis keeping score |
I would have put me name forward but due to out of competition testing where my recent course of beta blockers was picked up I decided to stand downin order to save tarnishing the image of the sport and let the younger lads go for it so they can reclaim the title clean and send out a strong anti-doping message. Anyway. I've had my day in the light of the lamps as I'm sure many will recall my appearance on Yorkshire TV's the Indoor League back in 1977 where Freddie Truman, samshing bloke, commented on my nudging skills and my backing up in order to create a triple three in the bed. Happy days.
The Indoor League Alan Brown was my nemesis you can just catch me in the background with me lucky cowboy hat on. Blimey don't we look young.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOlEYNlSZ44&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_XIzQGR3JY&NR=1
To the barricades
Apparently the citizens of Roundswell are on the verge of making an historic unilateral declaration of independence or UDI as it was called in the old Rhodesia. (This incident still fresh in the minds of many of the folk up there and they are no doubt partly inspired by it) They are discontented with being lumped in with Fremington parish Council and they feel that the time has come for them to secede from this historic structure of local government and go it alone and make a sustained bid for autonomy. In some respects I can understand this with regard to the recent shenanigans at Fremington Parish Council however, I do find it a little surprising that such murmurings of discontent should come from of all places a place like Roundswell a commune which to many who live in the area has no sense of community. A suburb in the true sense of the word, sharing those values associated with such areas. A population of at least 7000 people who have no pub, no school, no recreation ground, no local shop apart from a Sainsburys superstore, Comet and Staples and Edmunsons Electrical wholesalers and not only a drive through McDonalds but also a Wimpy and a Travelodge all of these quite a trek from the centre of the estate, no doctors surgery and last of all quite an essential factor when trying to establish a new parish council no parish chuch. In any other community of this size people would have been up in arms to rectify this dire lack in communal facilities but not in Roundswell you always get the impression that they just don't want them. Happy with their lot being situated close to retail park and a Peugot showroom with views over the Link Road. To my mind the area is a strange old place, mysterious even being as it is a giant warren of neat little Barrett boxes all roads twist and turn end up in cul de sacs each one in turn looking like the other, a veritable bleddy maze if ever there was one.
Breaking news I have just heard that plans for secession have been put on hold due to a groundswell of apathy! Now there's a surprise.
Breaking news I have just heard that plans for secession have been put on hold due to a groundswell of apathy! Now there's a surprise.
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