Bleddy, effin Shop-mobility

I'll tell you what these people have got some explaining to do. The other morning I was turning into Boutport Street from Butchers Row, by the A1 taxi office on my way to the Marshalls for a swift pint of draught when I was almost mown down bty a rather large elderly woman sitting astride one of those mobility scooters. I'm telling you she came hurtling around that corner at a rate of knots. on the pavement I add and I had to throw myself up against the taxi office window in order to stop myself from getting injured. I was so taken aback, lost for words shocked at the brazen behaviour of this apparent differently abled person. She didn't say anything either just looked daggers at me and hurrumphed as she had come to a juddering halt. No word of apology, nothing and after adjusting her front basket which had dapped me on the arm, she was off on her way again careering down Butchers Row. If this was the first time that I had almost come a cropper in the path of one of these vehicles then it wouldn't bear mentioning, but I'm afraid to say it isn't . To my mind they have become something of a scourge in the High Street area. I suppose with the aging population and all that they have to be accepted as the accepted mode of transportation for the times we live in What the bicycle was to the Edwardians the shop mobility scooter is to us latter day Elizabethans.

public enemy number one?

Now don't get me wrong, I like to see the old folk out and about and whatever enables this then that is a good thing. Same to if people are ill and you do see these folk with oxygen tanks attached to their conveyance but I hate to say that with a great deal of these people the only problem that seems to be up with them is that they are fat and rather malevolent. This lot all seem to have some air of entitlement to do just what they please with regard to right of way just because the are whirring about in one of these contraptions. To put it bluntly, they are just plain bleddy rude and as is often the case they didn't learn their manners in this part of the world if you get my drift.
Anyway as I was calming down over a pint of natch I happened upon a copy of the Telegraph that had been discarded by the Marshalls crossword club and lo and behold, there right in front of me was an advert for Quingo scooters. It was all done up to look like an advert for a high spec sports car.  All sorts of data about incline angles, hi-speed 5 speed gearing, steering systems, 45o kerb mounting and 0% finance. However what struck me was that if you agreed to test drive, that's what they say and all, then Quingo will give you a free his or hers sports watch Now I had to have to laugh as that's just what the prospective owner of a mobility scooter is really going to need. Although, come to think of it, that might explain the speeds that some of 'em get up to, perhaps they are all on some sort of clandestine scooter rally and are up against the clock. Anyway should you actually purchase a scooter you will get a free 26" LCD TV and a Lazee boy recliner now that seems just the job for an exclusively sedantry lifestyle

Here is a handy list of shopmobilty scooter blackspots
1. The main Pannier Market entrance by Cafe Chino and that stall that sells bateries and assorted electrical tat on a Friday morning it can as congested as Mullacott Cross when the road has been dug up.
2. The pavement between W.H. Smith and M&S as both these stores have automatic doors and the scooters tend to approach each at speed and open sesame,  irrespective of who might be in their way. They must be on some sort of Doom trip.
3. The gateway between Church Walk and the Rising Sun, they will not let you pass.
4. The corner of Butcher's Row and Boutport Street as my own recent experience bears testament to.
5. High Street Somerfield if you are unlucky to get sandwiched between two each intent on making their own way around the store then you are liable to get crushed toes at the very least.
6. Silver Street between the hours of 9.30 am and Midday. A veritable scooter cavalcade takes place daily at this time due to the arrival of buses post 9.30 and the proximity of the shop mobility garage and HQ

Even the Daily Mail are on the case!