The first night of the fair.......

Talking about ancient traditions, today sees the opening of Barnstaple Fair and there isn't a greater local tradition than this. Later on the fair will be opened by the Mayor and assorted blimmin' civic dignitaries and the old glove will be poked out of the little window high up in the eves of the guildhall and jiggled about thus signaling the start of the festivities
I'm going to be mozing down there meself in a bit to see what's going on. I'm meeting up with Messers Charlie Street and Dart and a few of the lads in the Marshalls and then after a couple of pints we'll no doubt go over to Seven Bretherens Bank  to pick up a bit of supper, nothing like Fair burger or hot dog and a packet of brandy snaps, maybe a bag of candy floss before reporting back to the pub to tell them all about the new rides and stuff. Old Darty always likes to pay a visit to Gypsy Accora to check in and see how is Mum is getting on, so no doubt he'll be full of tales from the other side, mazed fool.
In years gone by the arrival of the fair was always a great event in my calender. I'd always pop down there just as they started arriving on the sunday before and offer me services setting things up in exchange I was always useful to them as I knew where they could lay there hands on some spare coconuts or goldfish if they were running short. They also seemed to seek me out for giving them advice on where they could pick up assorted bits and pieces of electrical equipment. To this day I never know why they wanted so many car batteries.

As I got older I always wanted to work on the waltzers as the blokes who worked on that ride taking the money and spinning around the bucket seats always caught the eye of the maids and I've heard some pretty lurid tales of what they'd get up to during their breaks behind the sheep with two heads booth. The girls would be queuing up. Infact, year in year out the population of girls in North Devon would drop dramatically after the visit of the fair as they'd just disappear, One week they'd all be in the back of Devito's the next weekend gone, just like that, strange goings on. One year I finally got me chance but unfortunately due to an ear infection which effected my balance I fell off and was thrown into the hoopla stand. I managed to get back on but I was feeling a bit giddy and I threw up over Mandy Yeo and her friends. She still refuses to speak to me 27 years later. So, after only a few minutes I was bumped off that ride. I tried my hand on the dodgems but was severely electrocuted due to some dodgy wiring but fortunately I acted as the earth so no one else was hurt.
The next year I finally found my niche I was given the job of taking the money for Rhona the Rat Woman and I was quite happy standing outside her booth taking 10p's from the clammy hands of the gents who were eager to get inside and have a look at this modern marvel. Rhonna, bless her, would sit in a perspex box dressed in an alluring turquoise negligee surrounded by some rather lazy looking rats what would spend most of the time cowering in the corners so when the punters came in she'd have to grab them and drape them all over herself while making a noise to give the impression that she was enjoying it. I did this for a few years until one year Rhona didn't turn up. Apparently, she'd gone all high and mighty after appearing with her rats on the Generation Game, I must have missed that one.
I still carry a bit of a torch for her to tell you the truth. Happy days.
Still, I'm sure me and the beys will have some fun. I must remember to keep off the waltzers though as I'm wearing me best suit. I can't drink to much neither as I've promised me nephew a gonk from the shooting gallery.