Mitsubishis off the roads....

Over the summer months I have been able to identify a particular hazard on our local highways and byeways. It became apparent to me that a disproportionate amount of bad and sheer belligerent driving could be apportioned to the drivers and owners of these here Mitsubishi SUV vehicles and not only the marque as a whole but specifically the Animal range. The drivers of these particular conveyances stand out quite literally, judging by the the size of the bleddy things, by a few chassis lengths of other road users in my own survey of seasonal driving.

The other evening I was cycling along the top road to Braunton, between Ashford and Heanton on a foraging expedition stopping at gateways to cast an eye over the fields for mushrooms and peering into hedges for juicy blackberries also keeping an eye out on the verge for a chance encounter with a dead or dying pheasant as you do at this time of year. When bugger me  by the Chivenor turn off I found myself being cast into a ditch as one of these leviathans of the lanes came hurtling round a tight bend in the road going at some speed and missing me by bleddy inches, less than that. I scrambled to my feet and instinctively raised a few digits to the retreating vehicle. Upon which the driver slammed on his brakes and with his multiple reverse lights on full beam and his wheels spinning raising quite a cloud of dust he proceeded to snake menacingly back towards me. Indignantly, I stood me ground I was on my own territory and I was in the right. In this situation no buggers going to shift me. Anyways, he got within a few yards of me and came to a halt and as I marched up toward the cab to give him a piece of my mind, a fat sunburned piggy eyed face poked itself out of the side window and proceeded to give me a mouthful of cockney invective before shifting back into gear and careering back off up the road. I was so besides meself that I lobbed me cider bidon at him fortunately it missed and I was able to retrieve it, but it just shows you how mad I was.

These particular vehicles and their drivers are a bleddy menace. I've seen them pulling caravans, I've seen them two abreast getting stuck in lanes and I saw one which looked like a stretch hearse with it's blackened out windows and elongated cab jackknifed across Braunton as the driver attempted to come out of South Street taking adavantage of a well known rat run. I also saw one, festooned with surf boards and watersports equipment including a jet ski brazenly driving along the beach at Crowe Point.

What is with Mitsubishi Animals and their drivers that seem to make them think of themselves as a breed apart above and beyond normal folk, although really coming across as a bunch of asocial, mazed fools?
The other evening while watching the Transformers film on telly I think I found the answer. The design of these cars owes a lot to the Transformers look, the bull bars, the overuse of chrome, the glossy lurid paintwork of some models,  as does the Animal logo. So, I think it's fair to assume that a lot of the drivers obviously see themselves at the helm of a malevolent autobot carving up mere mortals on the highways while also embracing a dudish surf lifestyle. Basically, they are owned and driven by a bunch of people who live in a world dangrously bordering on fanatsy where their childish dreams have been made manifest in vehicular form. A Tonka toy big truck that really drives or a truck that morphs into a cybertron on the A361.
Call me unreasonable but I don't think that it is, in any circumstance, particularly safe or healthy what so bleddy ever to allow this sort of person on the road.