All hallow's eve - A nightmare on Ashford Strand

Clocks may have gone back my there is no extra hour in bed for me this morning as I've been up since the crack of dawn sorting out all me Halloween gear at the back of the old stable. Every year I like to put on a bit of a show for the kids. you see the thing is I have become something of a Halloween celebrity in the local area as basically I scare children apparently. I don't mean to but several folk with kids and the kids themselves reckon I am a bit scary. I suppose I can see their point as I don't look like your average townie middle-aged Dad type. On a good day when I dress up smart they say I look like a burglar or a basque terrorist and on a bad day I look like some bog monster dressed up in me every day clothes. I know I've caused a fright or two among holidaying cyclists who aren't used to seeing me coming back home after a morning's mudlarking carrying me bait buckets, a couple of perfectly legal caught salmon and festooned in me seaweed clagged nets and nightlines. Motorists have also been known to give me a second glance as I forage along the lanes between here and Braunton with a few tell tale tail feathers or furry limbs sticking out the top of me holdall. Still live and let live that's what I say although these days it's a pity that I seem to be the only bugger who lives up to this maxim.
Anyways, over the years I have become something of a curiosity for the local kids and on Halloween I was always getting loads of 'em  creeping down the lane and crawling through me sprouts trying to peer in at me windows to see what I was up to and one or two of the bravest ones would gather up enough courage to come knocking on me door. Originally, it made me livid and I would throw open the door and come out at them yelling me head off and chuck a few choice swede at them as the ran screaming and laughing back up the lane. I seen realized that this was just what they wanted so as I have mellowed a bit in my old age I play up to me own image and we have a bit of a laugh. I rig up some trip wires in me vegetable patch which trigger off all manner of ghastly noises I've got chainsaws going and this year I have edited together a BBC sound effects record that I got at Pottington car boot back in the summer. I like to finish off this spectacular by playing " Jack the Ripper" by my old mate Screaming Lord Sutch  and I throw a couple of me younger cats out of the pantry window. Last year the dummy dressed up to look like my Mother, as people reckon I've got here hidden away out the back when really she lives up at Sticklepath, stuck in an old Somerfield trolley that I had set up on pulleys at the top of the lane to roll down behind them proved to be a sensation. So as you can see I am expecting a bit of a crowd this evening as each year it gets bigger and bigger and parents have started bringing their kids along they now park up in the layby on the dual carriageway and walk them to the top of the lane where they stand and make sure that nothing goes awry during the ensuing mayhem. I am pleased to say that so far touch wood we have only had a few minor injuries and one of them was to one of me cats who fell badly during the feline throwing finale.
I put a bucket up the top and ask for a few bits of spare change to cover me costs and have a little bit left over for good causes this year it is my new club the Taw Estuary Cycle-Path Angling and Beverage Club who should have a good couple of quid coming their way.

Nice to see that Devon and Cornwall Contabulary are on the case....  should it all get a bit out of hand and they have knocked up a natty little poster that you can stick in your window.