Psychics banned from Pilton Church Rooms......

Local witch unhappy with church hall ban

Dear oh dear what is the world coming to this week's front page story in the North Devon Journal is concerned with the small matter of the local psychic woman's coven being banned from using Pilton Church Rooms, also referred to by assorted incomers and the like as the "village hall". In a week when the government's csr has cast a rather gloomy cloud over our area which is disproportionately reliant on public jobs and services and state investment, the Journal decides to daub it's front page with the sensational story that a psychic group whose activities and practices are not compatible with the teachings of the Church of England are being "banned" from holding their seances on Church property.  This does not come as a surprise to me or is that particularly newsworthy. The head necromancer claims that she is a victim of religious discrimination, not withstanding that she has already found a secular community centre to hold her rites in, and has decided after already resolving the matter to air her grievances and levy such a heinous slander upon the good people who run the comings and goings at the church hall and make it the vibrant centre for our community that it always has been long before this sorceress and her English Psychic Company turned up in Pilton Street.
Now on purely theological matters I'm no fan of the C of E nor of spiritualist fakirs being as I am an adherent of the Old Faith but I do seem to recall that though the church rooms belong to the church they are actually run for the benefit of the community as a whole and in that regard they do not hold any religious functions instead they concentrate on enabling the use of the hall for playschools, dance classes, the Cubs and Brownies, pantomimes, concerts and bingo nights none of which these days are overtly religious and are in fact all good wholesome family entertainments. I know I wouldn't want to go down there on a bingo or euchre night and have it ruined by voices from the other side or constant banging coming from the upstairs meeting rooms it would put you right off your concentration and during a euchre drive you could miss a trick and find yourself down on the evening. Also how do you explain all these goings on to the kiddies." Unckie Pitt, what have all these long faced gloomy looking people been doing traipsing in and out all evening?". No, that would be just too much.

I was speaking to one of the committee members just last evening down at The Windsor and over a couple of pints of Barum he let slip that the main reason they decided not to let the spiritualists use the premises was due to health and safety concerns as firstly; people could find themselves slipping up all over the ectoplasm which apparently they never properly cleaned up leaving it splattered all over the stairs and the communal kitchen causing a potential hazard and secondly; there were problems over insurance. Seeing as they could never account for how many people living or deceased might make an appearance over the course of any given evening. The hall is only licensed for use by a definite number of souls.

Ectoplasm was causing something of a mess 

To my mind once again this is another case of rather vain, self minded, self important people frustrated by their rootless existence and lack of understanding of local sensibilities trying to ride a coach and horses over established practices and concerns. From a quick straw poll at the bar, the tea leaf reader in question doesn't really seem to have done herself any favours by seeking out the local press and by closing time a good few of the lads were keen to go up to the furniture factory and make a ducking stool or to throw her in the Taw and see if she floats. Fortunately, that was just the Barum talking.

I feel I have to claim a little bit of a vested interest in this story as the English Psychic Company have their headquarters in what used to be me Granfer's shop where he did bike repairs, charged batteries and sold vinegar and parafin. Ah happy days. Apparently, Pilton no longer needs this kind of service but to my way of thinking, it's a crying shame. Inow  know where I can go if I  want to get in touch with the old bugger on the other side but where on earth can I get a gallon of parafin when I want it?

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